today, march 15, somehow i feel the cycle just ended. i could listen back my hated old playlist with wholeful and centered emotion. i do enjoy it without affect anything inside but only pleasures. Good by Moaning Lisa, this track whispering beautifully into my ears while i am writing this leads story.

ah, now my online paid music player plays Mind Reader by Summer Flake. and it reminds me that exactly today mercury enters pisces which is time when i get what astrology says as mercury return. as my perceive, the planet return in your placement means that which aspect that ruled by the placement is perfecting its cycle and get matured by higher understandings.

Mental Institution by Jessica93. i was hating music and how powerful it affect the inner me. it pulls out my unknown sides, it could be bad or good one. how scares it was. so i blamed they were the source of the mental instability, when.. now after, they helped me to discover my self, my unknown parts. thats trigger not just awaken the —

i. Blood Moon Rising by Avhath is playing now. the monster inside was awakened and rises. so i was forced to face it and making some compromise. knowing by little all her repressed traits and try to understands her position also knowing what poisons she swallowed. observation and collecting the important datas.

Blue Line Baby by Nothing. that was a lot of sadness and unacception of what’ve i ever got or we could say how destiny works. nothing’s perfect, and she taught hers was the worst. but she pretend everything’s ok, but she cri inside in silence, like non stoppable at that time. you know what? i docan sobbing nowadays, and it a sign that i’ve through this by my best. :)

Lovely Times by Suburban Living. for me, that would no lovely times anymore is all only about pasts, when i not aware yet about what was happens. no future, no more ease times, just nothing for good happens for me. guilt of how past was running and like, just stucked, a messy thread that really confusing, “which part should i fix first?”

Can’t Be Ignored by Pennywise plays so fast, the track distracts me from writing a secs. Jazzy, I by Fuzzy, I i just love the track so much, how could local band be so representative to my favor. out of context wanna says that i am a big fans of them and follows they band since highschool in 2016 and pretty excited knowing they are comeback and work they newly single and EP.

Leavings by Hauste. this band accompanied me during my grey period, i could say so. between a state that begin to questionin what should i do and “may i change this all habitary pattern?” because really, more uncomforts events comes rapidly and i started overwhelming to handle. but, which path should i step into, no clue, i was in grey area. start from last 2018, Hauste be my playlist friends. i felt no lyrics that could represent the feeling i feel at that time. more mathrock band such as elephant gym, tide/edit, being the theme.

mercury represents thinking system, how to communicate, and perceive the outter-life, how mind works to process things or events. about the input, process and output. mercury of my placement is in pisces thats mean it related to subsconciousness, mental, spiritual, arts, and sensitivity. also the hazy eyes to interpret 3D reality, because neptune, as a pisces rulers consider whats happen in different dimension which is hard to us as a pisces to spot the ilusion. because if we choose 3D as a main focus, 5D is ilusions where pisces rather accurate to catch the 5D radar intuitively as they special ability rather that assume the physical world as the main reality. thats the basic contradictions we had as mercury in pisces in terms process the input become output.

but now, as mercury placement is returning now, i get the higher level of understanding and also different level of maturity. how i process the input, whatever it is, and make some output (read: wisely response). got a certain clarity about what should i believe when different dimension offers the opposite conditions. no more contradictions needed or which conditions that suppose to be ignored. every conditions is true, but somethin i should trust is the Truth that couldnt find in both unless merging them into One as a Divine Knowledge.

ok, so, am i healed yet? the darkest part is over. couple days ago, i just cut off the most attached-wrong-chains that circled arrounds over my DNA. yes, astrology says it as the South Node. a part that most stick with the self as we born, something that naturally we had without ever tryna practice. my Aquarian instinct that runs X house. my wide-friendship, solidarity, or in the simpler words ‘friendly-humble-friends that good at career and known in public life’. lol that words not simple at all. ow and this the most important, boys circle. since in kindergaten i used hang with boys because i mostly hard to find good topics to be discussed with girl. and hate to be effortful seeking for just small talks. yes, that a wrong chains that stick over my DNA. hardcore solidarity based on humanitarian and boyish stuffs. the boyish stuffs refers to all kind of stuffs, and hang wit em, really ALWAYS put me into trouble. it could be related to parents, posessivity, jealousy, and drainage of energy. i not aware about the — Displacement by Touche amore is playing — i am not aware about the displacement that i am not supposed to be placed at the old place i’ve. ngl, thank you spotify to inspire me that diction lol.

False Alarm by Heals. all uncomfortablity that felt by cumulation of unworks way of life were alarming me about the false direction that continously be taken to solve the problem or at least basically run the daily as an auto-pilot. “unlearn everything”.

my “writing” subject lecturer in collage would be dissapointed once she read my current writing style but would be pride as a life-gurus at the same time, i guess lol. this unstructured component and paragraph would be failed as a proper writing but properly describe whats i intended to share. all is contemporary included writing and everybody has their own niche that naturaly comes so maybe heres mine. alsooo, i do believe in writing. writing as an communication, could be within my self or other self, and that specific others, it depends on our similarity rights? i dont wanna be under spotlight of huge mass or being popular or other public thingy. let my previous life be. my now is about being a free spirit that could shines a whole authenticity. all my freaky-weird-ugly-sides that low under many of standards. the quirkiness that doesnt fit the ‘quirk standard’ itself. whatever. i am writing for my self because it make me feels good, and not expecting anybodys life changing or inspired by what i do. if whats i do right now, after i finish the last sentence of this writing make someone feels good too so i succeess to attract the similar ones, and lets be friended in this full of unacception world. if theres no one, i still do what i love and love what i do and wont be stopped anymore. i wanna do my missions this lifetime by ready to love my destined journey. no room for the hatred heart.

yes, and Jirapah would ended this story. Bekerja, whats that you really desired to achieve? and also whats you decided to be sacrificed to reach that achievements? mind again, use your highest awareness and ability to think and feel. dont regret more decisions more any. we’ll meet after you take a huge decision sooner or later or never. playlist as my journey milestones. thank you for music and all that brought into my ears, i am in the future now.

  • edit: this spontaneity in the air and needed to be edited for wronged words, ambiguty and typo in sentences. i’ll do it soon. but right now i prefer to embrace this spontaneity to upbring whats i wanna write underneath. im on the top of writing moods while listening songs. ITS MY MERCURY PERIODS! moon that positioned in aries make it directly express lol. wish me luck :p
  • not all of the track in playlist is mentioned. tap for the full playlist here, eTHICS
  • read this story with plugged earphone while listening the playlist. such an different experienceeee you must tryyy hahahaha